The Joys of E-mail

Joke ID#8891
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I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being plastic.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Zebekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Geez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!

I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's mother's beautician!

Ain't spam great?!?!?

Comments on this Joke
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Posted by zemoxian Dec 02, 2005

That's a Laugh RIOT! I never forward chain-spam, now I have one to send!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by goosh Dec 10, 2005

lol, i think someones a little bitter

Comment score: 5  

Posted by Frenchi Dec 14, 2005

I have been getting after my friends to STOP SENDING ME FORWARDS! Maybe this will get the message through! I LOVE IT!

Comment score: 7  

Posted by celanba Feb 20, 2006

[can't stop laughing]

Comment score: 3  

Posted by tyler_j_d Jul 20, 2006

omg so funny i sent it to this girl on myspace so she would stop the gay bullitins

Comment score: 2  

Posted by marigold Jul 24, 2006

That is flippin HILARIOUS!!!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by ntsoaky Aug 31, 2006

Damn good!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by phoenixoflife Oct 17, 2006

Thats great. im Lmao

Comment score: 0  

Posted by flamehead Oct 25, 2006

HAHAHA Thats great and really true!!!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Giggles Feb 22, 2007

Hilarious!!! LMAO!!!!!!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by popesantaxiv Dec 08, 2007


Comment score: -1  

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