Stupid Signs

Joke ID#116
Funny (3.07)
Rating (0.48)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted Bysomething
Corrected By boodler
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Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope; talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit; and there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. Said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning ok, no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign until he asked " your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

Comments on this Joke
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Posted by darkangel606 Aug 21, 2003

those are funny

Comment score: 1  

Posted by juggleboy502 Jun 10, 2005

this is by george carlin... stand-up comedy, still funny, though

Comment score: -1  

Posted by seraphim Jul 25, 2005

Those are funny I thought they were from Jeff Foxworthy though,not George Carlin Either way...funny!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by sillysausage4567 Jul 30, 2005

One of my favourites!Lol!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by shimmermaid Aug 04, 2005

Excellent! I love it!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by Dawn830w Aug 13, 2005

Actualy, they are by Bill Engvall. He plays on the Blue Comedy Tour with Jeff Foxworthy. Bill is one of my favorite comedians. He is hilarious.

Comment score: 4  

Posted by boodler Apr 23, 2006

Hope you kept a sign for yourself, getting stuck under a bridge(!)

Comment score: 2  

Posted by Hugme12 Apr 03, 2008

You know this is wierd because I just got done watching a documentary on Bill Engvall. It seems as though he and Larry the cable guy are the only ones of the blue collar gang that are still doing movies and tv shows. I wonder what happened to Ron 'tater salad' White and Jeff Foxworthy. Bill Engvall is really funny.

Comment score: 0  

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