65 Fun Things to Do at Walmart

Joke ID#101
Funny (2.91)
Rating (0.81)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted Bysomething
Corrected By Battery
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1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

7. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and Candy."

8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares." and see what happens.

9. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.

10. Play with the automatic doors.

11. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

12. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"

13. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

14. Put pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

15. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

16. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

17. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, Magic!"

18. Put M&M's on layaway.

19. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

20. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

21. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

22. Nonchalantly "test." the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

23. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman! Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"

24. TP as much of the store as possible.

25. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

26. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. (0.1134)

27. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

28. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

29. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

30. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

31. Take bets on the battle described above.

32. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. Barbie. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect...)

33. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

34. While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

35. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

36. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

37. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

38. Fill an entire cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

39. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

40 Two words: "Marco Polo."

41. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

42. "Re-alphabetize" the CDs in Electronics.

43. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

44. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone..." and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.

45. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. E.g. The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

46. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

47. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

48. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

49. Get a stuffed animal, go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

50. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

51. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

52. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

53. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

54. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

55. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with a girl and start flirting with him as ditisily as possible: "Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."

56. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

57. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

58. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOWLY, especially through narrow aisles.

59. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

60. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

61. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

62. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

63. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

64. Ride a display bicycle through the store -- claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

65. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

Comments on this Joke
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Posted by dakini1 Aug 13, 2003

Awesome. I'm going to have to try some of these things out!

Comment score: 5  

Posted by vvz227 Aug 21, 2003

the only problem is, u can only do like 2 tihngs per store before u get kicked out. lol!

Comment score: 2  

Posted by skoolkid Sep 05, 2003

Great!! Except you can probably do it at any old regular super market. And also, to add to the walk really slow in narrow aisles part, try to 'fart' (or fake it) and say, something like 'whoops'.

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Gr8Girl Jul 10, 2004

haha, i love these wal-mart jokes. heres one of my favorites. "Sprinkle hotsauce right in front of the "girls" bathroom door." Kinda like your orange juice one.

Comment score: 3  

Posted by bigSWAFF_69_ May 30, 2005

wow, i made one that is 15, and it was a duplicate, of a 16 one, so im gonna say the 16 one is a duplicate of ur 67 one...... ne way, there r a few more......put condoms in random peoples carts, (i dunno if u hav these or not) go into a changing room, and loudly scream, "MORE TP IN STALL 3", ummmmmmmmmm............start a demoliton derby with shopping carts....

Comment score: 1  

Posted by shimmermaid Jun 19, 2005

I like walmart jokes, but you didnt need the cuss words or the other little cruddy stuff intermingled in there! Besides that, it was perfect. there was another one like that, but i had fewer things.

Comment score: 1  

Posted by glittagrrl Apr 06, 2006

Anyone tried any of these? If so mail me and tell me what happened!

Comment score: -1  

Posted by cjsanders May 26, 2006

Some of these are just priceless!!!

Comment score: -1  

Posted by Shastaki Aug 25, 2006

#66. Ty to do all of the above in one trip without being kicked out!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by mth_lvr Aug 14, 2008

#67:hook up your wii/ps2 to the hanging tv's #68:in check out,if someone's name is close to a swear,act dyslexic and say the swear #69:ask where the nearest jewel is #70:graffiti the walls.when an employee comes to kick you out,say that you were playing "tag" #71:put lots and lots of stuff in your cart, and attempt to return it all #72 graffiti other store names{in red,orange,pink and yellow}on the drive way where people enter #73sell free "prepaid"walmart cards.... #74.......in front of the store AND FINALLY NUMBER SEVENTY-FIVE #75:tamper with the sliding doors so that they swing OUT right before people enter hope ya enjoyed

Comment score: 1  

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