The Medical Machine

Joke ID#1279
Funny (3.32)
Rating (2.4)
CategoryOther / Misc  
Submitted ByDrunky
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One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

Comments on this Joke
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Posted by dakini1 Jun 30, 2003

I absolutely love it!!!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by MasterG3154 Nov 19, 2005

Class, pur Class

Comment score: 0  

Posted by brain_dead Feb 14, 2006

it is hilarious great joke

Comment score: 1  

Posted by Hahathatsfunny Jul 19, 2006

Hahahahahaha, that's awesome!

Comment score: 0  

Posted by Sarah222 Dec 21, 2006

lol that's funny!

Comment score: 1  

Posted by HIMrocksmysocks May 30, 2007

no they dont have those machines. :/ good joke though

Comment score: -1  

Posted by leaffan4life Jul 20, 2007

great joke lol

Comment score: 0  

Posted by ouchy1 Nov 24, 2007

Dupe, but still a great joke

Comment score: 0  

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